Are You There When I'm Down and Out?

The Unexpected Power of Showing Up for Others

There are three types of people you should never forget.

  • People who were there during your difficult time

  • People who left you during your difficult time

  • People who put you into that difficult time

Today I want to talk about the first one. I ran my recruitment business for close to 12 years and associated myself very strongly with the company. So when I exited from it, it was as if someone took my identity away. I don't even know who I am anymore.

Going through life and trying to find a footing is already difficult. It is made worse with low morale and an identity crisis. I dare say I was possibly on the verge of depression as I had no idea how to navigate myself out of that rut.

Some time later I arranged for coffee with Josie. A fellow recruiter, we met at a bar during happy hour. When we first met, I was still running the business. When we had our coffee, I was trying to acclimatise to a new job I had taken up.

When she asked how it was going, I dropped my guard and instinctively let it out like a patient seeing a therapist for the very first time.

She listened patiently and reassured me that I would make a comeback. That she had a feeling about it.

Truth be told, it likely was all pleasantry speak, but at that moment, it was as if a dark cloud lifted off me and I could finally feel sunlight hitting my face after a very long time.

The funny thing is we met up close to a year later. I was doing much better and I wanted to thank her for that moment.

And...she had no recollection she said that to me.

Facepalm moment.

But does it actually matter? What mattered was her reassurance gave me the crutch I needed then to keep on walking until my legs were strong enough to be on their own.

During times when we are low on confidence, all we need is just a bit of a pat on the back. Someone to tell us "you got this."

Or as the Koreans would say: "Fighting!"

I am reminded of this as I started speaking with many different fellow portfolio careerists on the latest season of my podcast.

Conventionally, we are conditioned from young to study well in school, get a degree, and find a job that is either stable and/or pays you really well.

But whether you might be happy in that path is not even an afterthought.

When we finally discover the courage (or are pushed into it because our job is gone), that often is not enough to battle through the maze of fear, uncertainty, and unfamiliarities.

Try brushing your teeth with your non-dominant hand and that is exactly how hard things may be.

And across all the success stories I've seen, they all have that support system.

The comfort they can go to. The wall they can lean against for a breather when the new path is just a bit too much for them to bear.

Before you even start saving for your runway, before that business plan, before incorporating your business, the fundamental thing is to find your support system.

It could be family, friends, or even (in my case) an unexpected acquaintance.

People are willing to help. I know I would, just to pay it forward.

And often it all starts by dropping your guard and letting the truth flow.

The Echo of Kindness

So I ask you this: Who are you showing up for?

Who needs to hear your "you've got this" today?

The words you speak in a moment of kindness may become the lighthouse someone else navigates by through their darkest storm—even if you forget you ever lit the flame.

Be the person who shows up when others are down and out.

Because in the ledger of life, it's not our successes that define us, but the moments we extend our hands to pull others back to their feet.

And perhaps, when you find yourself stumbling, you'll discover just how many hands reach back for you.

And to Josie: you may still not remember that moment (or even who I am right now) but your words meant a lot and carried me through a dark time.

Thank you.

🎧 Podcast

Two new episodes have dropped. 6 episodes done, 18 more to go.

Ezekiel Vincente is a seasoned executive and leadership expert. He is best known as the former Chief Human Resources Officer at Mindvalley. He specialises in organisational transformation, culture building, and leadership development. A current Executive Coach, he also serves as a Fractional Chief of Culture & Strategy, helping high-growth companies align leadership teams and streamline execution processes.

Nancy Lai is a Singaporean mumpreneur, educator, and designer who has successfully launched two businesses inspired by her experiences as a mother. Her entrepreneurial journey began when she faced challenges finding suitable furniture for her eldest daughter, Kayleen, who has allergies and is prone to severe nosebleed episodes. As her first venture grew, Nancy launched a second business called A Mighty Mum, a functional nursing clothing line.

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