Are You in the Wrong Boat of Your Life?

The ceiling fan spun lazily above me, but I couldn't focus on it. My mind was already racing - investor calls, partnership disputes, cash flow projections that didn't add up. I reached for my phone, then stopped myself. Sleep was a luxury I couldn't afford, but I also couldn't bear the thought of tomorrow arriving any faster. So I lay there, smoking cigarette after cigarette in the dark, nursing a whiskey that had become less of a choice and more of a necessity.

This was the final act of my first business. I thought these scenes only existed in movies - the desperate entrepreneur, unravelling at the seams while trying to hold everything together. But here I was, living it. Turns out I was method acting for a role I never auditioned for. Even now, years later, I still shudder when those memories surface.

The Biology of Breaking Down

I was reminded of these dark episodes recently after meeting JT from the Price of Tomorrow live podcast I hosted. She shared her own story of struggle - tasked with teaching a course she felt completely out of her depth for, drowning in imposter syndrome. The more she described her experience, the more I was transported back to my own moments of desperation.

Here's the thing nobody tells you about stress: it's not just "in your head," despite what that one uncle at every family gathering likes to say while dispensing unsolicited life advice.

What happens to us when we struggle to cope isn't just psychological. It's profoundly biological. The brain physically changes its architecture and neurochemistry under chronic stress, directing metabolic, cardiovascular, and immune systems in ways that lead to long-term health damage. Diseases linked to chronic stress include cardiovascular dysfunctions, diabetes, cancer, autoimmune syndromes, and mental illnesses such as depression and anxiety disorders.

Your body essentially begins to attack itself from the inside out. This creates what researchers call "allostatic load"—the cumulative wear and tear on the brain and body that leads to pathological changes.

So when people ask me why I look like I aged ten years in two, well, science backs me up on this one. Finally, an excuse that's peer-reviewed.

The Mask We Wear

Let's look at a more common example: going against your personal values. It's something we more often than not have to navigate in the course of work, which leads us to putting on masks in the office - pretending to be someone we're not so we can stomach the nonsense we keep witnessing.

I experienced this in my last job, where markers for performance leaned heavily toward vanity metrics rather than meaningful impact. Nothing says "fulfilment" quite like optimising for numbers that look good on slides but mean nothing in reality. And most recently, in a discussion with the representative of a client who seemed to have no limit to how big he could talk, regardless of reality. I sat there nodding along, my internal monologue screaming while my professional smile stayed frozen in place. Oscar-worthy performance, really.

Living out of sync with your values creates cognitive dissonance - the tension we feel when our actions contradict our beliefs. That tension doesn't just stay in your head. Research has found that the average person spends over 90,000 hours at work in their lifetime, and when your values aren't aligned with your organisation, you will experience chronic stress, which affects your mental and physical health over time.

That's 90,000 hours. I've spent less time learning to be decent at anything else in my life, and yet here we are, potentially spending it all pretending to care about things we don't.

Not About Resilience

Is it a case of low resilience, as some may argue? I don't think so.

Many of us can really push ourselves and enter the zone when we truly enjoy the work and believe in it. We become unstoppable when aligned with our purpose. I've pulled all-nighters on projects I believed in and woke up energised. Meanwhile, give me eight hours of sleep before a meeting about quarterly targets I don't care about, and I'm still dragging myself through the door like a zombie.

Conversely, no amount of motivation can push you to work well on something you fundamentally don't believe in. Trust me, I tried. Motivational podcasts, morning routines, vision boards - the whole Instagram wellness package. Turns out you can't manifest your way out of being on the wrong path. Who knew?

Your body knows. Your mind knows. And eventually, they both rebel.

Tapping Out Isn't Failing

JT decided to drop the course and pursue other areas where she felt stronger. I exited from my business and felt immediate relief the moment I signed those exit papers. We both tapped out, but we also went on to better things.

The same goes for Jaslyn Ng, who tapped out from a global HR director role after consistent 20-hour workdays led to asthma relapses. Or the MOE teacher who left the service years ago when a thyroid condition began creeping in - her body's way of screaming that something was deeply wrong.

We are what I consider the lucky ones. People who ultimately managed to step off a boat sailing in the wrong direction in their lives. Some of us just needed our bodies to literally start breaking down before we got the memo. Subtle, we are not.

The Question That Matters

So here's what I want to ask you: Are you in the wrong boat in your life?

Are you waking up with that familiar knot in your stomach, dreading the day ahead? Are you finding yourself needing just one more drink to unwind, one more cigarette to calm the nerves? Are you performing well on the outside while crumbling on the inside?

Misalignment burnout manifests through emotional, physical, and psychological symptoms. Employees experiencing it often report feelings of apathy, anxiety, fatigue, and purposelessness. It's not just about being tired. It's about feeling like you're betraying yourself every single day.

The cold sweats, the chain smoking, the drinking. Those weren't character flaws. They were distress signals. My body was telling me in the only language it knew that I was heading in the wrong direction. Apparently, I needed it to shout before I'd listen. Not my finest moment of self-awareness, I'll admit.

The real question isn't whether you can tough it out. It's whether you should. Life is too short to spend 90,000 hours rowing a boat toward a shore you never wanted to reach.

Sometimes the bravest thing you can do is admit you're on the wrong boat and jump.

Even if, like me, you're not the most graceful swimmer. The water's cold, the landing isn't pretty, but at least you're finally heading in a direction that's actually yours.

Adrian Tan
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